I'm Not Good Enough: Letting Go of Perfectionism

“I'm not good enough.”

I was watching Inside Out 2, Pixar's recent smash sequel about a team of emotions operating a teenager’s brain. (Side note: Anger is voiced by Lewis Black. Perfect.)

As our heroine becomes a teenager, baseline emotions like Joy and Sadness take a backseat to emotions like Embarrassment and, most notably, Anxiety.

Eventually, her sense of self, once defined by “I'm a good person,” becomes riddled with complex thoughts like “I'm selfish” and “I'm not good enough.”

The latter thought becomes a driving force behind her actions—pushing herself harder, cheating, and even abandoning her childhood friends in favour of popular new acquaintances.

I was speaking with a fellow business owner about what drives us. One of the key motivators she discussed was a sense of dissatisfaction—a belief that we, and our products/services, can always be better.

When friends and customers tell her that she must be so proud of what she created, she doesn’t really feel it.

That resonates.

Just two weeks ago, I was the closing keynote speaker at SocialEast, Atlantic Canada's largest marketing conference. I recently received the attendee survey for my session.

Average attendee rating: 96.7%.

Move over, Grade 9 Canadian Geography. I just hit a new personal best.

And yet, I felt… a mix of things.

Hitting close to 100% is strange for an entrepreneur. It means nothing is on fire, nothing to fix. In fact, I think I would’ve felt better getting, say, an 89%—big enough to validate my fragile ego, but still leaving room for improvement.

I was happy, but not ecstatic, with my presentation. I didn’t think it deserved a 96.7%.

“It’s not good enough.”

This constant pursuit of perfectionism runs rampant among entrepreneurs. Some entrepreneurs I know had very critical, judgmental parents, which sparked the need to always do better, to be good enough.

Others (guilty) struggled to fit in and used accomplishments as a way to feel superior—or at least equal—to their peers.

We become addicted to accomplishments, like bucket lists. One item on my bucket list reads:

Get paid to speak

So when Mike Morrison reached out about a speaking opportunity in early 2023, naturally, I took it. Right?

Wrong.

I turned it down.

I didn’t feel ready.

“I’m not good enough.”

Last year, I learned about acceptance and commitment (ACT) therapy, which encourages decisions based on long-term values rather than short-term feelings. Feelings like anxiety, which can fuel thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” can lead to actions detrimental to our growth, like pushing ourselves too hard.

The goal of ACT is to make decisions based on values. Will this help your family? Friends? Community? Health? Guinea pig? Whatever matters to you.

For me, influence matters. So does creativity. So does improving my financial situation.

So, even though I still had thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” when Mike offered me another speaking opportunity at SocialEast 2023, I jumped on it—this time, making a decision not based on how I felt, but on what I valued.

The result?

My presentation on PR Nightmares garnered 100% positive feedback (n = 39), including:

“Real. Raw. Funny.”

“My favourite talk of the conference.”

"Brilliant presence on stage”

“This guy is awesome, so engaging.”

I revised my bucket list in 2023. That same year, I accomplished two items from it:

Get paid to speak  

Become a paid consultant

One year later, at SocialEast 2024, I was the closing keynote speaker (this time presenting on creativity).

And less than a year from today, I’ll be the keynote speaker at another conference.

In Inside Out 2, the heroine evolves her sense of self into something more complex than a singular identity, experiencing mixed feelings and thoughts that ebb and flow with her experiences:

“I’m a loyal friend.”  

“I’m selfish.”  

“I’m a good person.”  

“I’m not good enough.”

Do I think I’m good enough?

Not always.

But like the heroine, I try to make decisions in spite of that, not because of it.

Here’s hoping you can, too.

A very special thanks to Mike Morrison, Lindsay Faithfull and the whole crew who puts on SocialEast. It’s a great conference. And it holds a special place as a stepping stone in my journey.